We always talk about toxic masculinity…and yeah, we should. That stuff is everywhere, but what about the other side? What about the way women can be toxic, too?
That’s the part? We don’t talk about it enough.
Toxic femininity isn’t just women being “catty” or “emotional.” It’s deeper than that. It shows up in quiet betrayals and fake support. It’s in the women who smile in your face, tell you they got your back, and then turn around and protect the very men who are hurting other women.
It’s the woman who says, “That’s not right,” but then helps him dodge accountability.
It’s the one who knows the truth, but keeps it quiet to “stay out of it.”
It’s the friend who listens to your pain, then still invites your enemies to the group chat.
…and let’s be clear.
Silence is a choice.
Protecting someone’s ego while another woman suffers is a choice, and it’s toxic.
Some women think that if they didn’t throw the punch, they’re clean, but you can cosign abuse by doing nothing.
By lying. By playing dumb. By refusing to speak up.
Toxic femininity shows up dressed like loyalty, but it’s really guilt and fear, and in some cases, survival.
I get it. Maybe you don’t want to lose your relationship with someone. Maybe you think, “That’s still a friend.” Maybe you think it’s not your business.
…but when you know somebody’s causing harm, and you help them stay comfortable in that?
Now it’s your business too.
You’re not neutral. You’re not uninvolved. You’re not helping. You’re just making it harder for a
person who’s trying to survive.
So, yeah, women can be toxic. Women can cause harm. Women can manipulate, lie, and protect
the wrong people. That doesn’t make us hopeless, but it does mean we need to be honest.
You can have toxic traits and still choose to evolve.
You can realize you messed up and still decide to do better.
You can admit, “I was wrong for how I handled that,” and still grow.
Evolving anyway means owning your stuff.
Not staying stuck in it.
Not blaming everybody else.
Not hiding behind, “I didn’t want to get involved.”
We’ve all got things to unlearn. That’s fine, but let’s stop pretending toxic femininity isn’t real.
It is, and it’s hurting people.
So if you really care about other women, don’t just say it. Show it.
Say something.
Do something.
And stop covering for people who keep doing harm.
You’re not keeping the peace.
You’re just keeping it quiet.