*Photo via @anandalewis on Instagram. Cropped for tribute purposes. Used in accordance with fair use.*
I remember growing up watching Ananda Lewis on MTV. I watched her interview legends and shift culture. She was on our screens, but she also helped influence what we cared about way before social media influencers existed.
When someone passes away, people seem to show up for a little while. They post about it, comment, send emojis, and maybe even text. They pause with you for a short while. Then, slowly, they move on. The posts fade, and the conversations stop. Everyone assumes the grief faded, too.
Sometimes it doesn’t. Grief isn’t just a moment. It’s not a quick cry or a couple of emotional days. It stays with you, and sometimes for a long time. Grief can get quiet, but it never fully leaves. It shows up again when no one’s paying attention.
When I heard that Ananda Lewis passed, it hit me. I wasn’t expecting to feel that much. She was talented and smart. She carried herself with strength. What upset me was her leaving her son behind. That’s what saddened me the most. Her son is going to have to grow up without his mom.
That hurts to think about; it made me think of the women who didn’t get to stay. I’ve seen moms I grew up with leave behind their kids, too. I’ve watched families try to figure out how to move forward after something like that. There’s no easy way through that kind of loss.
Ananda lived her life intentionally. She chose natural healing and holistic care. She made choices that lined up with what she believed in. Whether people agreed or not doesn’t change the fact that she had every right to fight for her life, how she saw fit.
Still, the way this world talks about grief makes everything harder. People give you a small window to fall apart. After that, they want you to get it together. They want short, quiet grief. They don’t know what to do when it doesn’t go away.
If you bring it up again, they act like you’re making things awkward. If you say you’re still hurting, they say, “You gotta let that go,” or they go silent. It’s like people only want to support you when your pain is convenient.
That kind of silence can make you feel like something’s wrong with you. Like you’re grieving too long or talking about it too much. The truth is, you’re just still hurting. Life after loss can sometimes look different than expected.
You don’t owe anyone a clean version of your grief. You don’t have to post about healing just because people are tired of hearing about pain. You’re allowed to still be in it.
Here are a few things that can actually help when you’re trying to survive grief:
- Say their name out loud. It doesn’t make you stuck. It keeps them close.
- Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. You don’t have to be “okay” every day.
- Stop expecting people to get it. Most won’t, but that doesn’t mean your grief is too much.
- Make space for your own process. Even if it doesn’t look like how people think it should.
- Don’t let time pressure you. Grief doesn’t run on a schedule.
If you’re going through it, please hear this. You’re not being dramatic. You’re not stuck in the past. You’re just still carrying something heavy.
To Ananda Lewis—We love and thank you for everything you brought to this world. We are praying for your son and your family. You shaped history.
To every woman who had to leave her kids behind, I see you. I wish you had more time.
To anyone grieving, whether it’s loud or quiet, fresh or years deep, you are not alone. Don’t let this world rush you.